Spiritually speaking

I often thought it would be great to be spiritual. To be a spiritualist....reading books and talking talks ... of the soul. But I never seemed to be able to "do" it.

I don't have the time. I dont have the money. I dont have anyone to talk about it with. Maybe ... I dont understand it.

...why I couldnt REALLY grab it all.

I loved Mary Oliver. But perhaps I only thought highly of her work. Now...I love her her because I somehow entered a door to the majesty of her language. A majestic and magical place ... that isnt QUITE what I expected. Or wanted. But...here I am.

I often thought it would be great to be spiritual. Here I am. Realizing I cant "be" or "do" anything ... not really. Not without abiding in it. And I realize....I know. I no longer "think" about the greatness of be a spiritual thinker ...or a lover of good, well-connected words.

Here I am. I see differently. I feel ... differently. I no longer "think about" being spiritual. I am finding myself "in" spiritualness. It's kind of like a darkness being lifted....but not leaving it behind though.

How I got here is not how I would have chosen to do it. But I'm here now. The learning is excruciating. But learning nonetheless.